Violence
Sometimes injuries aren't due to accidents. Being the victim of violence can be scary and life changing to anyone, but especially children. They may not understand what or why it happened, they may not know who they can talk to about it, how to talk about it, or even that they're allowed to talk about it.
Children may experience violence from other children their own age, from older children or teenagers, or from adults. They may be people who they know and love, and it can be incredibly confusing and disorientating if someone they trust is hurting them.
Children who are exposed to violence may struggle with their mental and emotional health, they can experience social difficulties substance misuse, or high risk behaviour, and they may suffer physical repercussions like sleep problems or eating disorders even into adulthood. Violence can be chronic - meaning it happens for a long time - or acute (a one off incident), but any experience of violence can be significant to your child's development.
You may be concerned for children who are not your own, and getting involved incorrectly could make things worse for that child. For this reason, we are not offering any specific advice on how to approach these situations, but if you are worried about any child, your own or otherwise, you should reach out to agencies or organisations with the knowledge or resources to help and assist you. You can reach out to your local council, or call the NSPCC or the Police non-emergency line for advice and guidance.
This is not a topic to take lightly, and there are resources listed at the bottom of the page for more information and support.
Signs of Violence as the Victim
Please keep in mind that these warning signs are just signs. Having a child who displays any of these examples does not necessarily mean they have been the victim of violence. These are just things that you can look out for as indicators that something may not be okay.
Unexplained injuries
Injuries where the child can't explain how they occurred, or injuries that your child is trying to hide from you can be a huge tell that something is going on. Injuries may not start strictly on the body, it could look like torn or scuffed clothes, broken or missing possessions, or damage to their hair. Your child might offer explanations that don't seem to fit the injury, or (in younger children) their injuries might not be compatible with their developmental abilities - like toddlers who can't walk hurting their ankle.
Obvious injuries might look like cuts, scrapes, bruises, broken bones, burns or scalds, bite marks, or swelling. Less obvious signs of injury could be flinching or pulling away when you touch a tender area, symptoms of concussion or other head injury like dizziness, vomiting, drowsiness, problems with balance, reading or writing, or speaking, persistent headache, or sensitivity to light.
Changes in behaviour
If your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, quiet, or avoids situations that they used to enjoy. Their school performance may drop, or they might lash out or have outbursts of aggression, hostility, or anger. They might become rebellious or defiant, skipping school, or not wanting to go home.
Sleep problems or nightmares
A child who has been the victim of violence may have difficulty falling asleep, or they might wake frequently with nightmares. A lack of sleep can also reduce their capacity in general to cope with life, especially if they are dealing with lots of big feelings, so this can make an already tough situation even harder.
Anxiety or a sudden loss of self confidence
A child might suddenly become timid or insecure, or be scared of going into new situations where they don't feel safe - especially social situations or new environments. If your child used to be very independent and has become clingy recently, something may have happened to trigger the behavioural change.
Inappropriate sexual behaviour
Sexual violence against children is a topic in it's own right, and one that needs to be handled incredibly sensitively. Children who have been victimised in this way may display a knowledge or awareness of sexual behaviours that is inappropriate for their age, and they may engage in, or recreate towards other children behaviours they have experienced themselves. This may be because they are not aware that it's not appropriate, or it may be a way for them to regain some feelings of control.
Signs of Violence as the Aggressor
Kids can be mean. Part of growing up is learning to resolve conflicts appropriately, and sometimes that means getting it wrong. It can be sometimes more difficult to accept that your child IS the bully, rather than the one being bullied, but remember that sometimes people hurt other because they've been hurt themselves. If your child is being aggressive or violent, it might be a warning sign that something is going on that you're not aware of.
Children may be violent or aggressive towards other children, but they can also show these behaviours towards adults and animals too. They're not just risking harm to other people when they act out. If the person or animal they're attacking decides to fight back (especially if they're bigger or stronger) then your child could end up being seriously hurt or injured as a result of a fight that they initiated. People are (correctly) reluctant to strike children, so a violent child may grow into a violent adult with a false sense of how tough they actually are.
Competitiveness
If your child seems excessively worried about winning at school, being the biggest, strongest, toughest, or even the most popular or most respected person in their class or social circle, they might be bullying or harassing their peers to achieve or maintain their status.
It's normal to care what people think about you, but if it becomes an obsession, it can lead to unpleasant and antisocial behaviour.
Having aggressive friends
Being friends with bullies is a warning sign that your child might be participating too. They may think it's normal, or they may not agree with the behaviour but are scared of being left behind, or turned on by their friends. They may find themselves doing things that they don't really want to, or feel like they can't ask for advice or help because they're worried about getting into trouble for their actions.
Blaming others
A child who blames other people for everything that happens, even if it's their fault, or a child who can't or won't accept responsibility for their actions may become a bully without realising it. If your child reports being the victim in every conflict, spins the story so that they appear completely innocent, or downright lies about what happened, it may be worth listening to the accounts of the other parties involved.
Show increasing aggression
It's unlikely your child will go from being completely docile to terrorising he neighbourhood overnight. More likely, they will start by testing your boundaries, and escalate their behaviour over a long period of time. It may start with verbal abuse, and then develop to destruction of their own possessions, and those of other people. They might try and hurt their siblings, small animals, or even the adults in their life. Even if they're not very strong or very good at hurting people at the beginning, you shouldn't ignore the behaviour. They might just be going through a phase, or acting out due to something else going on in their life, but ignoring the problem probably won't make it go away.
County Lines Violence
County Lines Violence is the name used when referring to Organised Criminal Groups (OCGs) manipulating or coercing children and vulnerable people to store, traffic, or move drugs. Specifically from big cities to smaller towns or cities where it's hard to 'set up shop' as an outsider, and often across police or local authority boundaries.
How does it work?
OCGs use children and vulnerable adults as runners - to deliver drugs to buyers, collect money, or store product so that it's harder for the police to find it. They use social media to target and advertise a luxury, exciting, or 'cool' lifestyle, and encourage their runners to recruit their peers. They give the people working for them burner phones which they use to send orders and instructions.
These groups may pressure, trick, or require children to perform illegal, violent, or sexual acts to 'prove' themselves, and then use this information to blackmail or threaten them into continued participation. Rival gangs may target members from other gangs operating in the same area, and children can get hurt by association.
Children often don't see themselves as victims, or don't realise they are being groomed, as the gangs will treat them kindly at first, making them believe that they like them, respect them and that they are their friends. They may give them drugs and alcohol, designer clothes, money, or high end, expensive 'gifts', to make the child feel like they are loved and appreciated.
Once a gang has brought someone in, it can be really hard to get them out.
What to look out for
Absence
A child might go missing for long periods of time, be absent from where they're supposed to be, or even just consistently be late, with no good or reasonable explanation.
New Things
Most parents are buying their children's possessions for them, or at least giving them the money to afford them. A child who suddenly has unexplained clothes or technology - especially high end, expensive things - or an excess of money available to them is something to look into. If your child can't explain where their new things are coming from or how they can afford them, it might be a cause for concern.
Excessive Texts or Calls
Trying to get teenagers off their phones is nearly impossible, but if your child is being bombarded with messages at all hours of the day and night, if they've suddenly become popular overnight, or if they always answer or get nervous, anxious, or ratty when they're not in a situation where they can answer, you may need to talk with them about it.
Being Secretive
No one is suggesting you microchip your child, or listen in on their private conversations, but it's a good idea to know who your child is talking to, who they're with, and where they're going when they're out and about. If you're child is particularly secretive about who they're spending time with, they might be worried about getting into trouble. It could be that you're just REALLY embarrassing and they don't want you to get too much of an audience in front of their friends, but if it's something that's starting to worry you, you should look into it.
Decline in School Performance
A decline in school performance can occur from so many reasons. Anxiety or depression, social difficulties, being tired , loss of motivation. It is UNREASONABLE to assume that just because your child has stopped doing so well in science that they must therefor be a drug dealer. I'm just saying that a sudden, unexpected, or out of character decline in academic performance can be a sign that there's something unusual going on.
A Gut Feeling
Look, I know, it's terrible advice. But sometimes your parental instinct is the best tool you've got. You love your kid, and you know what's normal for them, and you know when they're not behaving like themselves. What I'm saying is that if you have A Feeling that something is wrong, don't ignore it. You might not hear this often enough, but you're doing a great job. You're on this page, reading about violence against children because you care, which makes you a pretty good person, I'd say.
Trust your gut feelings.
What To Do
Every situation is different, and you know your kids better than anyone, so there's no one size fits all advice to be had. If your child comes to you in pain or with any injury you should seek appropriate medical care, whether that looks like rushing to the emergency department, making an appointment with the GP, or simply administering first aid at home, is up to your good judgement. If in doubt, you can call 111 for more advice, or 999 if you think it's a 'life or limb' threatening emergency.
Once the immediate injury or concern has been dealt with, you have the big task of actually addressing the problem. Here's the best advice we've got:
Contact the authorities
If you think a child is at immediate risk, you should call the police on 999. You can call the non-emergency number 101 or you can report online directly on police.uk, or anonymously via crimestoppers. You can also contact your local council or social care team directly via your local council's website,
You can also contact the NSPCC for advice and guidance if you're unsure how to proceed.
There is no minimum threshold for when you can report, and you can request to remain anonymous if you're concerned about being known by the abuser.
Be available
Make sure your child knows they can talk to you about difficult things without getting into trouble. Make talking about your day and whatever is going on in each others lives part of your everyday interactions to reduce friction for your child if they want to come to you with a problem.
Stay calm
It can be upsetting to learn that your child has been involved in violence, but getting upset or angry absolutely will not help the situations. Control your body language, and make sure your tone of voice does not contradict what you're actually saying. Shouting at your child that you're not angry with them may confuse the message slightly.
Reassure them
Make sure you communicate clearly that your child has done the right thing in telling you about this incident, and make sure that they know it's not their fault and they're not in trouble. Tell them you're going to take what they've said seriously, and that they should keep you informed if anything happens again.
Do NOT confront their abuser
It's your gut instinct to protect your child at all costs, but confronting your child's abuser could cause them to escalate the abuse or retaliate towards the child. Abusers don't abuse because they don't know it's wrong, so letting them know that you're 'onto them' won't make them stop, it will just make them angrier, and better at hiding their actions.
Speak to someone who knows more than you
We tell our children all the time to talk to a trusted adult, and it's easy to forget that sometimes the grown ups need to talk to a trusted adult too. People who work in a position of trust with children (like doctors, teachers, sports coaches, social workers, faith leaders, and police officers) are mandatory reporters, which means that if they believe or suspect a child is being abused, they must report it. These are people you can trust. You can speak to any of these people for advice on who you should contact and how you should proceed.
Remember that this sort of thing can take a huge emotional burden on you, so while you're looking out for the child in your life, you should consider reaching out for help and support for yourself as well.
Resources
Contact the authorities
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